Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
