Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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