It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
