And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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