You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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