Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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