Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
