it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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