She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
