We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize