I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
