I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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