Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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