How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
