so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
