you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
