He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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