You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
