If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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