i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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