Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
