You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
