dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
