I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
