She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
