Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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