my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
