i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
