So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
