I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just want to make out with him forever
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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