Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
