dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Acid is not a monday night drug
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
