I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
