Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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