So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
