All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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