I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
