You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
