i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize