i just had sex bonerless
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
