she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
