i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
