Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
