Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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