who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
