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I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
