Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
