U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
