I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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