am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
