Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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