He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
