So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
