well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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