i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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