made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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