She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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