i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
