Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
