There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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