I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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