super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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