Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
