im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
