I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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