How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize