her vagine was all disorganized.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
