You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
