im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
